Not }READY. .t.o make n i c e.

[carrie rivers!]

DEAR {NAME HERE},

I'm not ready to make nice,
I'm not ready to back down,
I'm still mad as hell
And I don't have time
To go round and round and round
It's too late to make it right
I probably wouldn't if I could
Cause I'm mad as hell
Can't bring myself to do what it is
You think I should

LOVE,
CARRIE RIVERS.

you have those days when you wanted to let yourself go. i could be talking about many things. just lose everything and just leave this damn world? thats what i'm talking about. there could be many things i could be talking about but this...its so clear to many. many try to build over this and forget what someone, something has done to them in the past. much to their dismay, they cant, its always on their mind 27/7. every day of their life. don't you just wish to lost it? take the dive and hope you'll live to see tomorrow? i bet many do in this lifetime. times were changing, and fast. don't you just hate that? many hate change, but its something many have to deal with. no matter how much you hate, its going to happen. you cant be to sure when or where.

now about the dive. i know someone who wants to take that dive. she knows others to who would love to take that dive, though...she wont admit it. she keeps it to herself. telling no one. it was her damn business, no one else's. i hope you know this. the smell of alcohol wafted in the air, sending it everywhere. many would know this as a bad thing. when you smell alcohol, that means a drunk person. do not worry though, this person isn't drunk. shes no where near drunk and she has no thought of doing it either. carrie was sitting in a chair by the pool. shame there was no water in the pools. maybe carrie could do a thing or two. yeah right.

she doesn't swim, she doesn't like swimming much. she liked it at times, but not now. she couldn't. right now carrie was ready to take the dive, a grunt escaped her mouth. she couldn't find him, the man she called 'father'. she couldn't rest at all. she needed rest, getting drunk wasn't a good thing. carrie barely ever drank. she didn't like beer, but...vodka, now that is something she would drink. she doesn't drink much, on special occasions yeah, but not now. she was pissed, she was very mad. she couldn't find him, she had asked a couple of her relatives, he was no where to be seen.

'damn him! he needs to show his fucking face!' she thought bitterly. she was ready to kill someone, him. anyone else, she didn't give a shit right now. she hoped no one came, she would have to be calm towards them, including if it was a crypt. aw well, they better get use to this. hopefully none of them were that worried type, then she'd leave right then and there. 'okay carrie, time to calm down. besides thats enough to drink.' she thought. a bothered sigh escaped her throat. just what she needed. she stood up and went inside the building. not much here anymore.

it was dead, abandoned if you know what i mean. the place use to be where many could work out and swim. but they didn't come here anymore. she didn't know why nor did she even care, not at the moment. she looked around the place. she didn't know if anyone was here. but she had to get rid of the smell of the vodka though. perfume. she hated the stuff, but she would wear it now. she went to her bag and sprayed some on, she couldn't get rid of the smell on her breathe, nothing a mint couldn't do. carrie looked out the window and her nose scrunched up. rain? crap, she would have to walk home in it. she hated it.

but hey, when it wasn't cold. she loved the rain. in winter...not so much. eck, no way. she'd rather stay here, but she wouldn't. no way in hell. hardly anyone knew where she lived, and many knew this place. she could easily be killed. hell no. she plopped a mint in her mouth and sighed. going to the door and leaned against it, looking outside as the rain poured. the door was open, carrie could feel the rain at her feet. it was hitting her legs. she closed the door and walked back into the area, where the meetings where. they haven't had any, but they would soon.

so far, there was no point to it. once the other bands had a plan against them. then she would file a plan and ask her group what they had in mind. right now, everything was going to be nice and easy. hopefully it would go soothingly. you could never know if something was going to go the way you wanted it. she stopped reaching the room and walked right in, she looked around. good no one around. she sat down on a couch and grunted. "damn, why do i even drink?" she asked out loud. she was talking to herself, she wasn't a psycho now, keep it in mind. but she could easily turn into one.

but she wasn't going to, not her style. she wasn't one to end up like that, now now she could. but she'd never do such a thing. wasnt her style at all. she'd rather stay how she is. bitchy and feisty. she intended it to stay for awhile. but who knew how long it would stay with her. she didnt intend to change for while. but yeah. she was staying likes this for a long time to come. there was no way in hell she'd go soft or something. carrie grunted again, she looked up at the ceiling, but closed her coco orbs and placed a hand over her eyes to shade them from the light. her legs propped up and her right crossed over her left. good idea to wear jeans now.


Status_finished.
To Whom_dani.

[siren davenport]

WE LOVE TO TO KNOW THAT WE ARE NOT ALONE.

well let's see. i would say that miss siren's week was going well. but i suppose you would think it wasn't. well dear our opinnions don't matter anyway. you have to be ready for what siren thinks. and well just because nothing terrible's happened doesn't mean it's good. in fact she thinks it has been a down right miserable week. and it wasn't going to end. it was going to stay miserable right on for the rest of her life. her life was going to end with ehr being miserable unless she did something about it. thing is, she had nothing to do about it. either things went like this otherwise her life would crumble more. and she rather leave her life miserable than end up dead or in jail.

woah. back up, hit rewind. explain what's going on? oh of course she would leave that job up to me. well let me take you through the week. so jake found out she was a crypt, she wouldn't let it go, and you know shit happens. so after that happened they went their seperate ways. the night after that she met up with detective derek, and they made themselves a deal. wouldn't carrie be thrilled that she was associating with not one but two of their enemies. not that she thought it would matter much if what she had heard was at all true. and now she had a meeting of sorts with carrie rivers, the leader of her gang.

so her week was just fan-fucking-tabulous.

her mind was miles away, when it should have been at the old YMCA. or at least it was called the old Y. what it really had been she really had no clue. but whatever. siren's mind was on jake brooke's. leader of the bloods, their biggest gang rival. so that was just fucking great. she missed him to death and they had only not spoken for one day. and she was a mess on top of that. she hated herself for getting like this over a guy. but she had, even though she had promised herself not to. since when did siren fall this hard for a guy? the answer to that question would be never. she had messed up big time, over nothing, and now felt as though her life was cumbling. way to go miss siren. no matter what she did, nothing ever went right.

'why love if losing hurts so much?'

as the words went through her head, she flinched. she didn't love him. she didn't. she wouldn't. but there had to be a reason she hurt so much. an answer. something to shove her in the right direction. and then it hit her. she wasn't just thinking about jake, she was thinking about her whole life. first her brother, then her mother, and now jake. though her mother had been her fault. she couldn't take much more of the losing. so the only thing that would be worth loving from now on would be life. once she lost life, it wouldn't matter anymore. now that she had that figured out, it was back to business. and carrie rivers was that business.

okay that halted her. she stood staring straight ahead. her mind wondered if what she heard was true. that carrie and jake were having a fling. though jake wasn't hers, it still hurt. she needed that out of her head. right. now. if it wasn't she would tear into carrie like a dog with some bait. and that would be a bad idea. so she took a deep breath, telling herself it didn't matter anymore. jake and what he did had no place in her life. but a smirk reached her lips. but she could always make him jealous with detective derek. oh how fun.

now she had to come back to the present. around her the mingled scent of rain, she looked behind her out the window. sure enough it was raining. and vodka. siren wrinkled her nose. that was disgusting. too bad that was all she could smell. she would have loved to take her hair out and covered her face with it. but it would be too late. instead of smelling like fruity conditioner, it would smell like the place she was in. she grimaced. this place was nasty. she knew she wouldn't normally hang out here. she rather be on the streets. and thats where she was headed directly after this. to the streets. looking and smelling like a bum. perfect. that told the story of her life. because she was soo a bum.

that got a laugh out of her. wow. shaking her head, she started forward again. that's when she reliazed she had no clue where she was headed. she didn't know where carrie was. right on cue, a voice came. it was carrie's and it sounded angry. oh well. she started off in that direction. a few minutes later, she found her way into a room. whatever the room was for. she personally didn't care. she moved silenly in fake uggs. no need to bother carrie just yet.

she sank down on the couch, and then straightened. smoothly and swiftly she crossed her legs. right over left. it was amazing she could make sweats look like a business outfit. clearing her throat softly she glanced at carrie. violet eyes soaked up any weakness, and all the information she could. "miss rivers?" she inquired softly. a small smile played on her lips. her voice portrayed nothing, but respect. a respect she really didn't feel. but that was okay. let her get whatever she wanted out of it. "i believe we have a few things to discuss," she continued smoothly. it was a good thing she could talk her way out of most things, without sounding uneducated and crass. in fact siren prided herself on her speaking ability. her violet gaze never left the form of carrie rivers. something would give eventually. and it wouldn't be her.

[carrie rivers!]

problems you say. carrie had a few, but none she would mentioned..or would she? carrie looked into nothing of the world. she just wanted in and then out. she was already in, but out was going to be the problem. carrie's eyes darkened slowly. she didnt know what problems were coming, but she knew she would never find out at all. carrie closed her eyes slowly. something was going to happen and soon. carrie could feel it. though knowing her she ignored it, like she did all the time. carrie didn't care though. hell she didnt care about hardly anything. she opened her eyes, looking at the wall.

'romano...' she sighed. just what she needed, her cousin up and about. them two running into each other wasn't that...slim you could say. she didn't know when they would meet up, but with them to and in the 'perfect' mood. it would either be with gun pointed towards the others head, it wouldn't been with them hugging each other and saying 'i missed you cousin' it would be no where near that. according to romano, she was a failer. she snorted to herself at the though. what had she failed at exactly? losing his trust? ha! okay.

what really what could ya do? there wasn't much though. they didn't exactly hate each other, but yet they didn't love each other. it was complicated you could say. carrie looked towards the blond female. she closed her eyes at her as she straightened. "hm i see. please go ahead and say what you want miss dravenport. though next time, just call me carrie." the hollow lyrics were finally let free, her tone held her accent perfectly. she shook her head and sat up, straight. looking at the female. respect. carrie's eyes looked straight into sirens.

her eyes cold and hard. her lips held a small smile, nothing more. soon it left and she waited, thats really all she could do. she was a bit interested in what this girl had to say to her. from many people, they told her siren and herself were a bit alike. carrie looked at siren, thinking. were they alike? carrie didn't think so, but it could be true. everyone in this world were different and there was no way in hell carrie would be like someone else. there were a few things carrie could name that they were different about them.

one. they were different within the stacks. carrie was the leader and siren was a member, though unknown to siren. carrie trusted her, with more than this girl could think of. would she ever figure that out? thats really all she wanted to name. well their pasts were different and so where their goals. well of course, not everyone had the same goal and pasts. carrie ignored her thoughts but one...just floated 'bout her head. she listened to the girl if she were to speak or just sit there in silence. that was fine with carrie. right at the moment carrie didnt feel like talking, but she knew she had to, but no one would ever know. heh. carrie's mind traveled to jake. that fling they had. did anyone know? she hadn't told anyone and...jake he didn't did he? he better not have.

she would slit his throat. she just hoped he didnt say anything. carrie didn't really want anyone to know, the problem was what would everyone think? besides jake and carrie didn't 'love' each other. wasn't that suppose to be good? them hate each other, carrie had plenty of hate for him even if she had no reason to. she smirked to herself at the though. hm...how would they react when they meet each other? gun to each others head? or just a bit of flirting. it would be different if it was him and some of his damn gang members. she didn't like the sound of it. oh boy she was scared.

scarcasim much? yes carrie was full of it. carrie was full of a lot of things. scarcasim was the most though. not caring would probably be the second in the bunch, the rest was history. you would have to find out yourself. carrie didnt know exactly why she was even thinking about him, he wasn't her problem then yet again...on some note he was. okay that was just confusing. carrie didnt know how to describe it, she hated him and yet she liked him as a friend. oh boy life was so complicated and very confusing these days. life aint always beautiful, yup...so true. life and beautiful didn't exactly go good together really, on some notes it did.

you could have a good day and a good life, but you would have a bad day as well. no matter what. you can't have a perfect life, it hides you from what you really shouldnt be hiding from. life ain't perfect and neither are you. no one is perfect.